We’re All Addicted to Something: A Psychiatrist’s Honest Take on Addiction part 2
Role of Childhood, Attachment, and Spirituality
From birth, we’re wired to need consistent love, care, and connection. When these needs go unmet, we adapt. As children, we might turn to screens, sweets, or fantasy to soothe ourselves. Over time, these coping strategies can evolve into riskier behaviors like substance use, self-harm, or overachievement.
Even in homes where basic needs are met, emotional needs often go unnoticed. Many children grow up feeling unseen or unheard. They learn to hide their pain, please others, or stay small to stay safe. When love feels conditional and approval must be earned, we prioritize others’ needs over our own, hoping to gain love and security in return.
This is fertile ground for codependency, where our sense of identity and worth becomes tied to another’s well-being or approval. When that approval feels out of reach, we turn to addictions for the comfort we crave.
Unhealthy attachments often replace real intimacy. Perfectionism and people-pleasing are addictions in disguise, ways to earn love or avoid discomfort without true connection. Other forms include pornography, casual sex, or fantasy relationships, which mimic connection but lack trust and vulnerability.
True intimacy requires love, trust, kindness, and respect. Children need adults to model this, and as adults, we must unlearn false ideas of love to rediscover genuine connection. Healing means embracing honest connection and learning to sit with discomfort instead of escaping it.
The Spiritual Side of Addiction
Addiction isn’t only psychological or relational, it’s spiritual. For those with faith, addiction can carry added shame, often seen as a weakness. Yet all addiction is a response to emotional pain, an attempt to numb or control when true connection is missing. Because we are created for intimacy, purpose, and love, when these needs aren’t met in healthy ways, we seek substitutes.
Some may feel they have failed or disappointed God. But Jesus never shamed the struggling; He moved toward them with compassion, addressing the pain beneath the behavior. His love was redemptive, not permissive, always speaking truth but leading with grace. Jesus offered a love that does not excuse harmful behavior but invites us back to wholeness.
True healing starts with self-awareness and honesty. Transformation begins when we stop hiding our pain and face it without self-condemnation, understanding that addiction is a symptom, not our identity
In the next blog, we’ll explore how self-reflection and healthy connections greatly impact the healing process.
Click here to read part 1.
Dr. Ladan Goble is a board-certified psychiatrist with over 25 years of experience in mental health. She is passionate about helping individuals lead fulfilling lives and provides compassionate care and evidence-based treatment.
Dr. Goble is accepting new patients in her Scottsdale, Arizona office. To schedule an appointment, please call 480.661.3877.
Disclaimer
The information provided on this blog is for educational purposes only and is not a substitute for professional medical advice. Always consult a qualified healthcare provider for personal advice and treatment.